Mei na ghar jaa paa raha tha aur na hi apni jagah se hil paa raha tha, na jane kab se nikla tha office se aur kab se is footpath par baitha tha, samay jaise ek hi jagah ruka hua tha mere liye, kyun ki dard kam nahi ho raha tha, vo judai nasur ban chuki thi meri chati ke andar. Mene ek bhi din aisa nahi tha ki kosish na ki akansha ko contact karne ki, roz karta aur roz ye sochta ki vo ek baar mil le par aisa nahi hua. Jab-jab use sochta ankhein beh jati ab samajh aya ki unme ansu kyun nahi bacha, kyun ki har waqt zehan mein akansha thi, har waqt.. Mei shayad 8-9 din se soya nahi tha, 5-10 minute ankh lag jati thi bas aur mei ab sona chahta tha itna jada sona chahta tha ki kabhi uthun hi na aur agar koi dusre tarike se is dard se azadi mil sakti thi to vo bhi apnane ko tayar tha mein. Khudgarz ho gaya tha jo apne dard ke bare mein hi soch raha tha, kyun ki jab jab akansha ke dard ko sochne ki kosish karta tab to mujhe aisa lagta mano koi mujhe maar raha ho, meri izat chin raha ho. Koi tha nahi jise kuch keh sakun koi apna meri zindagi mei to raha hi nahi tabhi aaj is haal mein tha, is zindagi ka doshi mei jis marzi ko keh lun par hakikat to dil janta hi tha ki vo sirf mei hun, sirf mei hi...
Pub ke shor mein pahunch kar mei bar ki ek seat par ja baitha, dunia yahan khush hone ati hai par jis shor se dur bhagta tha us shor mein jaan kar aya taki apne dil ke shor ko dur kar sakun lekin yahan bhi koi farak nahi pada na jane kise bhag raha tha mei, apne dil ki takleef se? ya phir khud se hi?
" anything for you sir? " waiter ne awaz di to mei use hi ghurta raha, mujhe nahi pata usne kya kaha par fir bhi dekhta raha " sir, anything? " usne mujhse dubara pucha to mene samne ki taraf ungli kar di.
" soda or water " usne glass mein sharab bhari pata nahi kispar ungli ki thi mene, par uske puchne par mene koi jawab nahi diya aur aise hi glass gatak gaya. Zindagi mein pehli baar mene sharab ko hath lagaya tha, dunia ki batein maan li thi shayad ki sharab har gum ko bhula deta hai to socha shayad mera bhi gum ye sharab mita degi. Sharab galle se utari aur mei zor-zor se khans utha, itni jalan hui galle mein jaise kisi ne angare dal di ho. Kuch der wahin khasne ke baad mene waiter ko ishare se aur dalne ko kaha, vo pehle se hi pareshan tha meri halat dekh. Ankhon se pani nikal aya tha jinhe mene apne hath se pocha aur usko ishara kiya dalne ke liye. Usne glass fir utna hi bhara jitna pehli baar bhara tha aur mene use fir ek jhatke mein utar diya, utni hi jalan aur khani dubara uthi aur is baar usne mere samne ek glass pani ka badha diya. Mene use pi liya to thande pani se kuch rahat mili. Mei kuch der sar jhuka kar baith gaya socha shayad itni bahut hogi gum bhulane ki lekin mein bhar-bharate hue rone laga, nahi janta kaise rona aa gaya lekin bas aa gaya. Hum bahut majbut hai kehte hain log aisa, matlab ki ek mard/ladka asani se nahi tut-te bahut sehen shakti hoti hai, mehsus kar paa raha tha mei. Dunia ki batein har baar sahi nahi hoti, kai bar sachai hi sahi hota hai, hum bhi kamjor hi hote hain.
Mene apne aap ko sambhala aur ansu saaf krte hue waiter ko ishara kiya, usne mera glass bhara aur uske sath is bar pani bhi dal diya lekin mene bich mein hi glass khinch liya aur ek ghunth mein pi gaya. Is baar ek bar khansi ayi aur agli khansi ko rok liya, jalan ko bardasht kar liya. Adat bana raha tha jarura thi gum kaise bhulunga. Mei na jane kitni der tak wahan baitha raha, itni sharab to nahi pi paya jitni pini thi gum bhulane ko par han bich bich mein pi raha tha. Dhire-dhire wahan ka shor bhi sunn hone laga tha aur vo log bhi jo sab andhere mein nach rahe the. Yahi chahie tha bas, sab kuch sunn kuch na dikhe na sunai de khud ki dhadkan bhi nahi bas mei chahta tha ki mere liye sab band ho jaye. Ek insan ka prbhav bahut gehra hota hai aur vo bhi tab jab aap use alag nahi ho sakte. Mene waiter se ishara kiya to dekha bagal mein ek ladki khadi hai, usne mujhe dekh kar smile pass ki aur mei use dekhta raha.
' aahhh-hhahhhh ahhhh aahhhh ohhhhh.h. ohhh.. fuck.. aaahh... ' bathroom mein usi ladki ko mei chodne mein laga hua tha. Vo mere aage jhuki hui thi aur mei uski chut maarte hue apni aag uske andar utar raha tha aur vo bevkuf use pleasure samajh rahi thi. Mene apne dhakon ki speed badhai rakhi aur usne bathroom ki deewar par hath rakh rakha tha. Bathroom mein uska shor gunj raha tha par use apni izat ki koi chinta nahi thi aur mujhe apni izat ki ? vo shayad kab ki kho chuka tha mei to.
' oohhhh ohhhhh hhhhhooooo fuckk.. fuck.. bastard... fuck mee... ' mene uski chutad aur tight pakad li jaise apna gussa uski chutadon par nikal raha hun aur use zor-zor se chodne laga bahut tez chodne laga mere muh se thuk nikal kar uske uppar gir raha tha. Mere andar takat nahi thi jise mein thuk samajh raha tha vo mere ansu the aur naak se behta pani tha, mei itna tut chuka tha ki mujhe nahi pata tha ki mei kya kar raha hun, Koi emotions nahi the bas ek machine ki tarah aage piche ho raha tha uski cheekhein sun raha tha. Shayad uska nikal chuka tha aur mei tab bhi nahi ruka tha isliye usne hi mujhe piche ki taraf dhakka diya aur mei bhi piche gate ke sahare se ja laga. Vo toilet seat par usi position mein bani rahi aur ek pal hanfti rahi phir ghum kar baith gayi. Uske kapde adhe utre hue the jisme uski chatiyan bahar aa rahi thi. Vo meri taraf dekhte hue phir usi tarah muskurai aur apna purse khojne lagi jo wahin gira pada tha. Usne use uthaya aur usme se ek paper pen nikal kar us paper par kuch likh kar meri aaur badha diya. Mei usko ek pal dekhta raha aur phir vo paper le liya. Usne apna number likh kar diya tha, mei ek pal us number ko dekhta raha aur phir uski taraf dekha jo kapde theek karke khadi ho chuki thi.
" call me " usne mere galon par kiss kiya aur bathroom ka darwaja khol kar nikal gayi. Mei ek pal wahin khada raha aur phir uske diye gaye kagaz ko madod kar wahin fenka aur vahan se chala gaya. Jab insan dhire-dhire barbad hota hai to vo andar hi andar khokla hone lagta hai. Uske pas jine ki icha aur marne ki himmat dono hi khatam ho jati hai, vo ek lash ki tarah to pada rehta hai lekin us lash ki takleef ko kam nahi kar pata.
Mei ghar par hi pada rehne laga, office walon ko kya kaha kuch yaad nahi tha lekin shayad mujhe job se nikal diya gaya tha ya phir mene khud hi chhod di kuch yaad nahi kuch yaad hai to akansha aur uski yadein jo nikal sakta nahi aur dard kam hota nahi. Pehle jin baton ko mei mazak samjhta tha unhe mehsus kar ke samajh aa raha hai ki akhir sharir ke bahar se dard uske bhetar hota hai. Vicky ne sahi kaha tha, rishta bhale hi koi ho par uspar jab izat chot deti hai to vo jutha rishta bhi dard deta hai mera to sacha tha, haina? kise puchta ye sawal khud ka to janta tha ki akansha se sacha pyar kiya, kya ek baar bhi mauka nahi milna chahie tha. Kam se kam vo is dard ko dur kar de, ek baar mil le reham kar de. Phone par kuch purani yadein dekhta hua mei baitha sharab ke nashe mein tha jiska koi asar hi nahi tha. Ek taraf un yadon ko dekhe bina raha nahi jaa raha tha aur dusri taraf vo yadein takleef de rahi thi, kab hans deta kab hanste hue ro deta pata hi nahi chal raha tha.
Phone ko ek taraf rakh diya lekin sine se bechaini nahi gayi, phone uthaya, akansha ko phir phone kiya par abhi bhi kuch nahi hua. Mene akansha ko social networking site par khoja lekin mujhe vo wahan bhi nahi mili, aisa laga jaise usne astitv hi mita liya ho khud ka mujhse dur jane ke liye. Itna jada dar gaya tha ki aas pass ke sabhi hospital mein pata kiya, mere pas uske kisi collegue ya dost ka number nahi tha, kabhi jarurat hi nahi mehsus hui. Par ek din uske office jakar uske kuch doston se mila bhi jo us din resturant mein mili thi par unhone bhi kuch nahi bataya, sidhe muh baat tak nahi ki shayad unhe bhi nahi pata tha ki akansha kahan hai aur vo uska gussa mujhe dikha rahi thi. Mene unke aage hath jode par jab unhone tab bhi jawab mein 'na' ki kaha to mei wapis laut aya. Jeevan mein sangarsh tabhi mehsus hota hai jab zindagi se uski khushi chin jaye, hum uske piche jarur bhagte hain jo hume nahi mil rahi hoti aur phir ek din itni dur bhag jatte hain ki wapis ane ka koi sadhan hi nahi milta. Mei shayad itni dur chala gaya tha isliye zindagi ke safar mein akansha ko chhod aya tha, gayi vo nahi thi, mei gaya tha, wo to abhi bhi wahin thi bas mere sath nahi thi.
Ankhein na sone ki wajah se band ho rahi thi lekin mei aisa hone nahi dena cha raha tha, do pal ki nind bhi nahi lena chahta tha. Phone par online high profile escort search kar raha tha aur jo sabse mehngi dikhi use book kar diya. Jab dard ek aurat ki wajah se hua hai to paise se vo bhi kharid sakta hun mei taki is dard se rahat mil sake. Book karne ke baad confirmation call aya aur mene use confirm karke bula liya. Vo ayi aur usne apna naam bataya, mujhe yaad nahi kya bataya tha par usne kuch der tak mujhse batein ki, meri halat ki wajah puchi lekin mei chup raha. Jiske baad usne mere kapde utarne shuru kiye aur phir apne utare aur mere uppar aa gayi. Meri gardan, sine par chumne lagi, kabhi kisi lash ko chumne ka ehsas hua hai?
Vo niche pahunch chuki thi aur mera lund chus rahi thi, pata nahi kitni der se lekin usme kuch ho nahi raha tha, mene socha tha aisa karke mein apni takleef ko kam kar sakunga lekin jitni vo kosish kar rahi thi meri yadein mujhpar havi hoti jaa rahi thi. Akansha se hui mulakat se lekar ant tak jahan subh mene uske chehre par kiss kiya tha wahan tak sab yaad aa gaya aur uske baad jab mujhe pata chala ki vo chhod kar jaa chuki hai to mei roo pada.
" aahhhhhh " mene apna sharir us aurat ki pakad se azad kiya aur apna sharir samet liya. Vo mere pas ayi jise mene hath se maar kar piche kar diya jisme shayad use lag gayi. Mei turant uth use maffi mangi aur use jane ke liye kaha, ek pal vo mujhe ghurti rahi lekin vo ek aurat thi isliye samajh gayi agar meri hi tarah mard hoti to kabhi nahi samjhti ki mene aisa kyun kiya. Usne kapde pehne aur vo wahan se chali gayi. Mei do pal to palang par baitha raha aur phir apni jagah se khada hua. Table par sharab ki bottle rakhi thi jisne mene uthaya aur samne sishe par de mara.
" arrghhhhhhhhhh " mei paglon jaise chillane laga aur sara saman todne laga, idhar udhar fekne laga, behtar jo rage panap rahi thi us bhadas ko bahar nikalne laga lekin rage to kam ho gayi par takleef nahi. Jab thodi der baad ghar ko teetar beetar kar diya uske baad wahin palang ka sahara lete hue zameen par baith gaya aur phir bhar-bharata hua rota gaya aur rote hue wahin gir gaya aur apne sharir ko samet liya. Itne din se bhari takleef ko kabhi na kabhi to niklna hi tha. Na pariwar tha na hi dost aur jo bacha tha vo bhi lut gaya tha, is zindagi ki haar ko mei kya kehta? kab tak yun hi pada raha aur phir na jane kyun ek din akar mere paun chalte hue us jagah par aa pahunche jahan se is kahani ki shuruwat hui thi.
Mei ritika ke flat ke samne khada tha, jahan se mene apni 'kimat' mangi thi socha nahi tha us 'kimat' ka hissab kuch is tarah chukana padega. Mene pocket se chabi nikali jo ritika mujhe dekar gayi thi, mene use key-hole mein daal kar chabi ghumai hi thi ki darwaja khul gaya aur chabi mere hath se nikal gayi kyun ki darwaja piche se khul chuka tha.
" ankit " awaz aur chehra dono jana-pechana tha. Samne ritika khadi thi aur meri halat dekhte hi use samajhte der nahi lagi ki mere sath kuch hua hai. Usne mera naam pukara lekin mein sun padh chuka tha use dekh. Yakeen nahi ho raha tha isliye shayad, ankh se ansu gir pada jise dekh usne mera hath pakad kar mujhe andar khinch liya aur darwaja band karne ke baad mujhse puchne lagi, sawal kar rahi thi par abhi sawalon ki mujhe kuch samajh nahi thi. Mene use apne galle se laga liya, use galle lagate hi rone laga. Usne mujhe apnaya aur apne se kas liya aur mere baal sehlati hui chup hone ko samjhati rahi. Ek pal laga jaise koi apna mil gaya hai, isliye mene wo kiya jo meri pehchan bataya karti thi duniya. Mei ritika se alag hua aur uske honton par apne honth rakh diya aur use chumne laga. Use is baat ki shayad umeed nahi thi isliye vo hadbadai aur mei use chumta hua piche le gaya aur deewar ka sahara lekar use chumne laga.
" ankit stop.. " usne mujhe piche kiya aur phir mei uske honton par aa gaya lekin is baar usne mujhe puri takat se piche kiya aur mujhe dhakka de diya. Mei piche sofe ke uppar gir pada.
" kya galat kar raha hun mei? kya galat kar raha hun? Kya apne dard ko kam karna galat hai, kya mei is takleef se azad nahi ho sakta? Kya mene apko apki takleef se azad nahi kiya tha? agar aaj mei takleef mein hun to kyun koi nahi hai mere sath, kyun? " tut kar rote hue mene ritika se pucha jo wahin khadi thi. Vo samajh gayi thi ki mein ek tuta hua beshara ankit hun, vo nahi raha jise vo chhod kar gayi thi ya janti thi. Uski ankhon mein bhi ansu the, vo mere kareeb ayi aur usne mera hath pakda.
" ankit what happened? " mei jab uch der tak gardan jhukaye kuch nahi bola tab usne mera chehra uppar kiya. Itne kareeb se ritika ko dekh meri ankh se ansu aa nikla, itne din baad koi apna tha shayad jo mujhe sunna chahta tha. " say... " use abhi nahi pata tha lekin mujhe dekhte hue uski ankh bhari hui thi. Mene fir ek ke baad ek jo bhi kuch hua meri life mein uske jane ke baad, ladkiyun se sambhand, ankita mam ke sath relation fir unke chala jana, dost ke sath kiya hua ghatia-pan aur akhri mein akansha se mulakat se lekar uske chhod jane ka gum, sab kuch ritika ke samne rakh diya. Agar usne mera hath na pakda hota to mei gir jata par ant tak usne mera hath nhi chhoda, meri galti, mera gunah sunne ke baad bhi jo mene sangeeta se rishta bana kar akansha ke sath kiya tha sab.
" akansha ne aisa kyun kiya ritika, ek baar sirf mujhse baat kar leti sirf ek baar " meri is baat ko sunte hi ritika ne mera hath chhod diya.
" sawal tumhe khud se karne chahie aur tum use kar rahe ho " ritika ki baat sun mene uski taraf dekha, jo insan mera sath de raha tha vo hi mujhe chhod chuka tha.
" ankit, jo tumne kiya vo pyar mein nahi kiya jata. Vishwas tha uska tumhare pyar mein aur usne wahi kho diya " usne phir apni baat kahi.
" kya sirf usne khoya? mene kuch nahi? meri halat dekh kar apko kya lagta hai ki mei khush hun "
" vo tum khud apni vajah se ho ankit " vo ek pal chup hui " akansha ne to kabhi nahi socha tha ki kuch aisa ho, ye tumhara decision tha jo tumne liya aur uski saza use mili "
" use mili? " mujhe uski har baat ke sath bura lagta jaa raha tha.
" tumhe lagta hai ki jo hua uski takleef tumhari hai, nahi ankit tumhari takleef to uske aage kuch nahi hai"
" janta hun ritika janta hun sab janta hun, ki jo kiya mene kiya us bechari ki galti bhi nahi thi lekin kya jo uske baad ho raha hai vo sahi hai? kya meri halat sahi hai " kehte hue ankhon se ansu khud ba khud beh nikla.
" yahi saza hai pyar ke takleef ki ankit "
" par aisa kahaniyun mein nahi tha ritika, usme sab kuch sahi chal raha tha, pyar aap ek se karo baki sharir ki ichayein, insan ki khawishein usko mat karo, to mene kiya to kya galat kiya? batao ritika " mei hanfte hue chillaya, sans lene mein takleef hone lagi thi.
" zindagi kahani nahi hoti ankit " ritika ne bhi chillate hue jawab diya " zindagi kahani nahi hoti, tumne hakikat mein kho diya hai akansha ko " vo mere kareeb ayi aur usne mere chehre ko pakad liya " tum janna chahte ho ki vo kyun gayi kyun ki vo janti thi ki agar vo ek baar tumse baat kar leti to kabhi jaa nahi pati aur kabhi tumse wapis us tarah us nazar se nahi dekh pati jis tarah se vo dekha karti thi. Tumne use nahi usne tumhe kho diya tha ankit, tumhara nahi uska pyar tuta hai, vo tumhare sath reh kar bhi kabhi waisa nahi ban pati jaisa tum use chahte. Akansha ko tumne nahi balki usne tumhe khoya hai ankit, usne tumhe khoya hai " shayad ritika janti thi ki ab mera kya hoga, usne jo kaha vo meri antar-atma ko lag chuki thi. Mei ek pal use dekhta raha, vo intezar kar rahi thi mere bikharne ka jisme mene jada waqt liya hi nahi. Meri ankhon se ansu nikalne lage, chehre ke jazbat badalne lage aur mere honth kuch kehne ke liye bolne ki kosish karne lage lekin keh nahi paa rahe the. Mujhe meri aukad dikhane ke baad asliyat ne jaise patak diya tha aur ab sirf bheekh mangne ke alawa mere pas kuch nahi tha.
" please mujhe meri akansha wapis dila do ritika, please.. please.. " mene ritika ke hath pakad liye aur use umid laga baitha ki vo meri madad karegi, ankh naak har taraf se lachari beh rahi thi " mei apke liye kuch bhi karunga, zindagi bhar ehsan manunga apka please mujhe meri akansha dila do " vo mujhe dekhti rahi meri lachari ko mehsus karti rahi " pleasee... " mei chillaya " please.. "
" vo tumhare bina hi khush rahegi ankit, let her go "
" no... no .. no.. no.. please... please... maa..h...maa....please... mujhe akansha de do .. " bolte hue muh se na to dhang se awaz nikal rahi thi aur na hi sans aa paa rahi thi, jaise-jaise ab lagta jaa raha tha akansha mujhse bahut dur jaa chuki hai meri zindagi dur hoti jaa rahi thi. Ritika ne kuch kaha nahi bas mujhe himmat dene ki kosish karti rahi lekin mei haar gaya. Mene uska hath chhod diya aur wahin gir gaya aur ghutne ke bal baith gaya " ankit " bas apne naam ki pukar uske muh se suni aur phir mein wahin zameen par gir gaya.
Sahi kaha tha ritika ne, akansha mere bina hi kush reh sakti thi lekin mei use apne selfish ke chalte sath rakhna chahta tha, janta tha ki jis pyar ki 'kimat' use milni chahie thi mene wahi chinn li thi.
Pub ke shor mein pahunch kar mei bar ki ek seat par ja baitha, dunia yahan khush hone ati hai par jis shor se dur bhagta tha us shor mein jaan kar aya taki apne dil ke shor ko dur kar sakun lekin yahan bhi koi farak nahi pada na jane kise bhag raha tha mei, apne dil ki takleef se? ya phir khud se hi?
" anything for you sir? " waiter ne awaz di to mei use hi ghurta raha, mujhe nahi pata usne kya kaha par fir bhi dekhta raha " sir, anything? " usne mujhse dubara pucha to mene samne ki taraf ungli kar di.
" soda or water " usne glass mein sharab bhari pata nahi kispar ungli ki thi mene, par uske puchne par mene koi jawab nahi diya aur aise hi glass gatak gaya. Zindagi mein pehli baar mene sharab ko hath lagaya tha, dunia ki batein maan li thi shayad ki sharab har gum ko bhula deta hai to socha shayad mera bhi gum ye sharab mita degi. Sharab galle se utari aur mei zor-zor se khans utha, itni jalan hui galle mein jaise kisi ne angare dal di ho. Kuch der wahin khasne ke baad mene waiter ko ishare se aur dalne ko kaha, vo pehle se hi pareshan tha meri halat dekh. Ankhon se pani nikal aya tha jinhe mene apne hath se pocha aur usko ishara kiya dalne ke liye. Usne glass fir utna hi bhara jitna pehli baar bhara tha aur mene use fir ek jhatke mein utar diya, utni hi jalan aur khani dubara uthi aur is baar usne mere samne ek glass pani ka badha diya. Mene use pi liya to thande pani se kuch rahat mili. Mei kuch der sar jhuka kar baith gaya socha shayad itni bahut hogi gum bhulane ki lekin mein bhar-bharate hue rone laga, nahi janta kaise rona aa gaya lekin bas aa gaya. Hum bahut majbut hai kehte hain log aisa, matlab ki ek mard/ladka asani se nahi tut-te bahut sehen shakti hoti hai, mehsus kar paa raha tha mei. Dunia ki batein har baar sahi nahi hoti, kai bar sachai hi sahi hota hai, hum bhi kamjor hi hote hain.
Mene apne aap ko sambhala aur ansu saaf krte hue waiter ko ishara kiya, usne mera glass bhara aur uske sath is bar pani bhi dal diya lekin mene bich mein hi glass khinch liya aur ek ghunth mein pi gaya. Is baar ek bar khansi ayi aur agli khansi ko rok liya, jalan ko bardasht kar liya. Adat bana raha tha jarura thi gum kaise bhulunga. Mei na jane kitni der tak wahan baitha raha, itni sharab to nahi pi paya jitni pini thi gum bhulane ko par han bich bich mein pi raha tha. Dhire-dhire wahan ka shor bhi sunn hone laga tha aur vo log bhi jo sab andhere mein nach rahe the. Yahi chahie tha bas, sab kuch sunn kuch na dikhe na sunai de khud ki dhadkan bhi nahi bas mei chahta tha ki mere liye sab band ho jaye. Ek insan ka prbhav bahut gehra hota hai aur vo bhi tab jab aap use alag nahi ho sakte. Mene waiter se ishara kiya to dekha bagal mein ek ladki khadi hai, usne mujhe dekh kar smile pass ki aur mei use dekhta raha.
' aahhh-hhahhhh ahhhh aahhhh ohhhhh.h. ohhh.. fuck.. aaahh... ' bathroom mein usi ladki ko mei chodne mein laga hua tha. Vo mere aage jhuki hui thi aur mei uski chut maarte hue apni aag uske andar utar raha tha aur vo bevkuf use pleasure samajh rahi thi. Mene apne dhakon ki speed badhai rakhi aur usne bathroom ki deewar par hath rakh rakha tha. Bathroom mein uska shor gunj raha tha par use apni izat ki koi chinta nahi thi aur mujhe apni izat ki ? vo shayad kab ki kho chuka tha mei to.
' oohhhh ohhhhh hhhhhooooo fuckk.. fuck.. bastard... fuck mee... ' mene uski chutad aur tight pakad li jaise apna gussa uski chutadon par nikal raha hun aur use zor-zor se chodne laga bahut tez chodne laga mere muh se thuk nikal kar uske uppar gir raha tha. Mere andar takat nahi thi jise mein thuk samajh raha tha vo mere ansu the aur naak se behta pani tha, mei itna tut chuka tha ki mujhe nahi pata tha ki mei kya kar raha hun, Koi emotions nahi the bas ek machine ki tarah aage piche ho raha tha uski cheekhein sun raha tha. Shayad uska nikal chuka tha aur mei tab bhi nahi ruka tha isliye usne hi mujhe piche ki taraf dhakka diya aur mei bhi piche gate ke sahare se ja laga. Vo toilet seat par usi position mein bani rahi aur ek pal hanfti rahi phir ghum kar baith gayi. Uske kapde adhe utre hue the jisme uski chatiyan bahar aa rahi thi. Vo meri taraf dekhte hue phir usi tarah muskurai aur apna purse khojne lagi jo wahin gira pada tha. Usne use uthaya aur usme se ek paper pen nikal kar us paper par kuch likh kar meri aaur badha diya. Mei usko ek pal dekhta raha aur phir vo paper le liya. Usne apna number likh kar diya tha, mei ek pal us number ko dekhta raha aur phir uski taraf dekha jo kapde theek karke khadi ho chuki thi.
" call me " usne mere galon par kiss kiya aur bathroom ka darwaja khol kar nikal gayi. Mei ek pal wahin khada raha aur phir uske diye gaye kagaz ko madod kar wahin fenka aur vahan se chala gaya. Jab insan dhire-dhire barbad hota hai to vo andar hi andar khokla hone lagta hai. Uske pas jine ki icha aur marne ki himmat dono hi khatam ho jati hai, vo ek lash ki tarah to pada rehta hai lekin us lash ki takleef ko kam nahi kar pata.
Mei ghar par hi pada rehne laga, office walon ko kya kaha kuch yaad nahi tha lekin shayad mujhe job se nikal diya gaya tha ya phir mene khud hi chhod di kuch yaad nahi kuch yaad hai to akansha aur uski yadein jo nikal sakta nahi aur dard kam hota nahi. Pehle jin baton ko mei mazak samjhta tha unhe mehsus kar ke samajh aa raha hai ki akhir sharir ke bahar se dard uske bhetar hota hai. Vicky ne sahi kaha tha, rishta bhale hi koi ho par uspar jab izat chot deti hai to vo jutha rishta bhi dard deta hai mera to sacha tha, haina? kise puchta ye sawal khud ka to janta tha ki akansha se sacha pyar kiya, kya ek baar bhi mauka nahi milna chahie tha. Kam se kam vo is dard ko dur kar de, ek baar mil le reham kar de. Phone par kuch purani yadein dekhta hua mei baitha sharab ke nashe mein tha jiska koi asar hi nahi tha. Ek taraf un yadon ko dekhe bina raha nahi jaa raha tha aur dusri taraf vo yadein takleef de rahi thi, kab hans deta kab hanste hue ro deta pata hi nahi chal raha tha.
Phone ko ek taraf rakh diya lekin sine se bechaini nahi gayi, phone uthaya, akansha ko phir phone kiya par abhi bhi kuch nahi hua. Mene akansha ko social networking site par khoja lekin mujhe vo wahan bhi nahi mili, aisa laga jaise usne astitv hi mita liya ho khud ka mujhse dur jane ke liye. Itna jada dar gaya tha ki aas pass ke sabhi hospital mein pata kiya, mere pas uske kisi collegue ya dost ka number nahi tha, kabhi jarurat hi nahi mehsus hui. Par ek din uske office jakar uske kuch doston se mila bhi jo us din resturant mein mili thi par unhone bhi kuch nahi bataya, sidhe muh baat tak nahi ki shayad unhe bhi nahi pata tha ki akansha kahan hai aur vo uska gussa mujhe dikha rahi thi. Mene unke aage hath jode par jab unhone tab bhi jawab mein 'na' ki kaha to mei wapis laut aya. Jeevan mein sangarsh tabhi mehsus hota hai jab zindagi se uski khushi chin jaye, hum uske piche jarur bhagte hain jo hume nahi mil rahi hoti aur phir ek din itni dur bhag jatte hain ki wapis ane ka koi sadhan hi nahi milta. Mei shayad itni dur chala gaya tha isliye zindagi ke safar mein akansha ko chhod aya tha, gayi vo nahi thi, mei gaya tha, wo to abhi bhi wahin thi bas mere sath nahi thi.
Ankhein na sone ki wajah se band ho rahi thi lekin mei aisa hone nahi dena cha raha tha, do pal ki nind bhi nahi lena chahta tha. Phone par online high profile escort search kar raha tha aur jo sabse mehngi dikhi use book kar diya. Jab dard ek aurat ki wajah se hua hai to paise se vo bhi kharid sakta hun mei taki is dard se rahat mil sake. Book karne ke baad confirmation call aya aur mene use confirm karke bula liya. Vo ayi aur usne apna naam bataya, mujhe yaad nahi kya bataya tha par usne kuch der tak mujhse batein ki, meri halat ki wajah puchi lekin mei chup raha. Jiske baad usne mere kapde utarne shuru kiye aur phir apne utare aur mere uppar aa gayi. Meri gardan, sine par chumne lagi, kabhi kisi lash ko chumne ka ehsas hua hai?
Vo niche pahunch chuki thi aur mera lund chus rahi thi, pata nahi kitni der se lekin usme kuch ho nahi raha tha, mene socha tha aisa karke mein apni takleef ko kam kar sakunga lekin jitni vo kosish kar rahi thi meri yadein mujhpar havi hoti jaa rahi thi. Akansha se hui mulakat se lekar ant tak jahan subh mene uske chehre par kiss kiya tha wahan tak sab yaad aa gaya aur uske baad jab mujhe pata chala ki vo chhod kar jaa chuki hai to mei roo pada.
" aahhhhhh " mene apna sharir us aurat ki pakad se azad kiya aur apna sharir samet liya. Vo mere pas ayi jise mene hath se maar kar piche kar diya jisme shayad use lag gayi. Mei turant uth use maffi mangi aur use jane ke liye kaha, ek pal vo mujhe ghurti rahi lekin vo ek aurat thi isliye samajh gayi agar meri hi tarah mard hoti to kabhi nahi samjhti ki mene aisa kyun kiya. Usne kapde pehne aur vo wahan se chali gayi. Mei do pal to palang par baitha raha aur phir apni jagah se khada hua. Table par sharab ki bottle rakhi thi jisne mene uthaya aur samne sishe par de mara.
" arrghhhhhhhhhh " mei paglon jaise chillane laga aur sara saman todne laga, idhar udhar fekne laga, behtar jo rage panap rahi thi us bhadas ko bahar nikalne laga lekin rage to kam ho gayi par takleef nahi. Jab thodi der baad ghar ko teetar beetar kar diya uske baad wahin palang ka sahara lete hue zameen par baith gaya aur phir bhar-bharata hua rota gaya aur rote hue wahin gir gaya aur apne sharir ko samet liya. Itne din se bhari takleef ko kabhi na kabhi to niklna hi tha. Na pariwar tha na hi dost aur jo bacha tha vo bhi lut gaya tha, is zindagi ki haar ko mei kya kehta? kab tak yun hi pada raha aur phir na jane kyun ek din akar mere paun chalte hue us jagah par aa pahunche jahan se is kahani ki shuruwat hui thi.
Mei ritika ke flat ke samne khada tha, jahan se mene apni 'kimat' mangi thi socha nahi tha us 'kimat' ka hissab kuch is tarah chukana padega. Mene pocket se chabi nikali jo ritika mujhe dekar gayi thi, mene use key-hole mein daal kar chabi ghumai hi thi ki darwaja khul gaya aur chabi mere hath se nikal gayi kyun ki darwaja piche se khul chuka tha.
" ankit " awaz aur chehra dono jana-pechana tha. Samne ritika khadi thi aur meri halat dekhte hi use samajhte der nahi lagi ki mere sath kuch hua hai. Usne mera naam pukara lekin mein sun padh chuka tha use dekh. Yakeen nahi ho raha tha isliye shayad, ankh se ansu gir pada jise dekh usne mera hath pakad kar mujhe andar khinch liya aur darwaja band karne ke baad mujhse puchne lagi, sawal kar rahi thi par abhi sawalon ki mujhe kuch samajh nahi thi. Mene use apne galle se laga liya, use galle lagate hi rone laga. Usne mujhe apnaya aur apne se kas liya aur mere baal sehlati hui chup hone ko samjhati rahi. Ek pal laga jaise koi apna mil gaya hai, isliye mene wo kiya jo meri pehchan bataya karti thi duniya. Mei ritika se alag hua aur uske honton par apne honth rakh diya aur use chumne laga. Use is baat ki shayad umeed nahi thi isliye vo hadbadai aur mei use chumta hua piche le gaya aur deewar ka sahara lekar use chumne laga.
" ankit stop.. " usne mujhe piche kiya aur phir mei uske honton par aa gaya lekin is baar usne mujhe puri takat se piche kiya aur mujhe dhakka de diya. Mei piche sofe ke uppar gir pada.
" kya galat kar raha hun mei? kya galat kar raha hun? Kya apne dard ko kam karna galat hai, kya mei is takleef se azad nahi ho sakta? Kya mene apko apki takleef se azad nahi kiya tha? agar aaj mei takleef mein hun to kyun koi nahi hai mere sath, kyun? " tut kar rote hue mene ritika se pucha jo wahin khadi thi. Vo samajh gayi thi ki mein ek tuta hua beshara ankit hun, vo nahi raha jise vo chhod kar gayi thi ya janti thi. Uski ankhon mein bhi ansu the, vo mere kareeb ayi aur usne mera hath pakda.
" ankit what happened? " mei jab uch der tak gardan jhukaye kuch nahi bola tab usne mera chehra uppar kiya. Itne kareeb se ritika ko dekh meri ankh se ansu aa nikla, itne din baad koi apna tha shayad jo mujhe sunna chahta tha. " say... " use abhi nahi pata tha lekin mujhe dekhte hue uski ankh bhari hui thi. Mene fir ek ke baad ek jo bhi kuch hua meri life mein uske jane ke baad, ladkiyun se sambhand, ankita mam ke sath relation fir unke chala jana, dost ke sath kiya hua ghatia-pan aur akhri mein akansha se mulakat se lekar uske chhod jane ka gum, sab kuch ritika ke samne rakh diya. Agar usne mera hath na pakda hota to mei gir jata par ant tak usne mera hath nhi chhoda, meri galti, mera gunah sunne ke baad bhi jo mene sangeeta se rishta bana kar akansha ke sath kiya tha sab.
" akansha ne aisa kyun kiya ritika, ek baar sirf mujhse baat kar leti sirf ek baar " meri is baat ko sunte hi ritika ne mera hath chhod diya.
" sawal tumhe khud se karne chahie aur tum use kar rahe ho " ritika ki baat sun mene uski taraf dekha, jo insan mera sath de raha tha vo hi mujhe chhod chuka tha.
" ankit, jo tumne kiya vo pyar mein nahi kiya jata. Vishwas tha uska tumhare pyar mein aur usne wahi kho diya " usne phir apni baat kahi.
" kya sirf usne khoya? mene kuch nahi? meri halat dekh kar apko kya lagta hai ki mei khush hun "
" vo tum khud apni vajah se ho ankit " vo ek pal chup hui " akansha ne to kabhi nahi socha tha ki kuch aisa ho, ye tumhara decision tha jo tumne liya aur uski saza use mili "
" use mili? " mujhe uski har baat ke sath bura lagta jaa raha tha.
" tumhe lagta hai ki jo hua uski takleef tumhari hai, nahi ankit tumhari takleef to uske aage kuch nahi hai"
" janta hun ritika janta hun sab janta hun, ki jo kiya mene kiya us bechari ki galti bhi nahi thi lekin kya jo uske baad ho raha hai vo sahi hai? kya meri halat sahi hai " kehte hue ankhon se ansu khud ba khud beh nikla.
" yahi saza hai pyar ke takleef ki ankit "
" par aisa kahaniyun mein nahi tha ritika, usme sab kuch sahi chal raha tha, pyar aap ek se karo baki sharir ki ichayein, insan ki khawishein usko mat karo, to mene kiya to kya galat kiya? batao ritika " mei hanfte hue chillaya, sans lene mein takleef hone lagi thi.
" zindagi kahani nahi hoti ankit " ritika ne bhi chillate hue jawab diya " zindagi kahani nahi hoti, tumne hakikat mein kho diya hai akansha ko " vo mere kareeb ayi aur usne mere chehre ko pakad liya " tum janna chahte ho ki vo kyun gayi kyun ki vo janti thi ki agar vo ek baar tumse baat kar leti to kabhi jaa nahi pati aur kabhi tumse wapis us tarah us nazar se nahi dekh pati jis tarah se vo dekha karti thi. Tumne use nahi usne tumhe kho diya tha ankit, tumhara nahi uska pyar tuta hai, vo tumhare sath reh kar bhi kabhi waisa nahi ban pati jaisa tum use chahte. Akansha ko tumne nahi balki usne tumhe khoya hai ankit, usne tumhe khoya hai " shayad ritika janti thi ki ab mera kya hoga, usne jo kaha vo meri antar-atma ko lag chuki thi. Mei ek pal use dekhta raha, vo intezar kar rahi thi mere bikharne ka jisme mene jada waqt liya hi nahi. Meri ankhon se ansu nikalne lage, chehre ke jazbat badalne lage aur mere honth kuch kehne ke liye bolne ki kosish karne lage lekin keh nahi paa rahe the. Mujhe meri aukad dikhane ke baad asliyat ne jaise patak diya tha aur ab sirf bheekh mangne ke alawa mere pas kuch nahi tha.
" please mujhe meri akansha wapis dila do ritika, please.. please.. " mene ritika ke hath pakad liye aur use umid laga baitha ki vo meri madad karegi, ankh naak har taraf se lachari beh rahi thi " mei apke liye kuch bhi karunga, zindagi bhar ehsan manunga apka please mujhe meri akansha dila do " vo mujhe dekhti rahi meri lachari ko mehsus karti rahi " pleasee... " mei chillaya " please.. "
" vo tumhare bina hi khush rahegi ankit, let her go "
" no... no .. no.. no.. please... please... maa..h...maa....please... mujhe akansha de do .. " bolte hue muh se na to dhang se awaz nikal rahi thi aur na hi sans aa paa rahi thi, jaise-jaise ab lagta jaa raha tha akansha mujhse bahut dur jaa chuki hai meri zindagi dur hoti jaa rahi thi. Ritika ne kuch kaha nahi bas mujhe himmat dene ki kosish karti rahi lekin mei haar gaya. Mene uska hath chhod diya aur wahin gir gaya aur ghutne ke bal baith gaya " ankit " bas apne naam ki pukar uske muh se suni aur phir mein wahin zameen par gir gaya.
Sahi kaha tha ritika ne, akansha mere bina hi kush reh sakti thi lekin mei use apne selfish ke chalte sath rakhna chahta tha, janta tha ki jis pyar ki 'kimat' use milni chahie thi mene wahi chinn li thi.
